Day 19 - Clara 16 Months

Clara-

My impossible, irresistible, baby girl. Sixteen months have passed and yet I still feel as if I am just getting to know you. In just ten short minutes you were this:

and this:

and this:

You shuffle around now walking on your knees. Wearing out the knees of your pants and the toes of your shoes and adamantly refusing our promptings to walk another step. Stubborn and strong willed, you spend many days rubbing my nerves raw with your temper. But seconds later you are bubbling joy and warm soft cuddles. You laugh and sing and say a new word almost every day. You are a mischievous risk taker and an avid conversationalist. You are loud and rough and boorish. Yet you are gentle and unsure and adoring.

I wonder if it's possible I will ever know all the facets of your capricious personality.

And I wonder how my life ever felt complete without you.

Day 18-Thanksgiving

This morning Ben woke up at 5:45.

"It's the middle of the night!" I growled at him, and sent him back to bed. And when I woke up 2 hours later, all was quiet in my home. A small miracle actually. I drank my coffee in peace as it dawned on me...It's Thanksgiving week.


Lest you think that I am jaded and disenchanted with all Holidays, I have to say - I just love Thanksgiving. I know, I know, it's the official start of the Holiday-that-shall-not-be-named, but even that doesn't dim my enthusiasm. So today, I am Thankful for Thanksgiving. And here's 7 reasons why.

1. Thanksgiving always falls on a Thursday, so it makes for a short week. Allie woke up this morning singing "It's not really Mooonnday...it's actually Thurrrrsday!" And I concur with her conclusion. The kids only have two days of school this week, and The Man only works three. Glory. Glory!
2. I. Never. Host. Thanksgiving. It's true, and I couldn't be happier about it. No stressful cleaning of the house or planning menus. I have never cooked a turkey and I am willing to postpone that experience as long as possible. Repeat after me: Gizzards are gross. (Which is why I am profoundly grateful for my mother and my sister-n-law who graciously host us each year.)
3. We get to see our families. I know for some people this is a chore, but I genuinely love it. My kids have lots of cousins on both sides who we don't get to see nearly as much as we would like. I love the chaos that comes with a house full of excited children. I'll be sad if it ever changes.
4. My mother hosts the celebration for my side of the family the Sunday before Thanksgiving, to keep us from having to run like crazy on the actual Holiday. God bless her. So...I get to eat Turkey and pie all week long. It also makes for a lazy day on Thursday. We get up, watch the parade. make casseroles. watch football. Give the kids their nap. And head over to The Man's celebration late afternoon. All Holidays should be this stress free.
5. I am thrilled that in America - where we truly are blessed - we have a Holiday simply to stop and recognize it. I love discussing with my children the things they are thankful for, and watching how their lists change over the years. They never cease to surprise me.
6. The food. 'Nuf said.
7. Thanksgiving always falls on a Thursday so we all have a long weekend off together. Practices, Games, Rehearsals, Lessons...all take a break. As a family we have really come to look forward to this. We do things together as a family. The Man watches an astounding amount of football. I read books. We watch movies, and play games. For a few days life moves at a slow pace, and I recognize that for the rare gift it is.

So what are your thoughts on the Holiday? Do you love it? Dread it? Does your family have any special traditions? We don't travel and I think if we did, I would feel differently about it. What do you think?

Day 17

Yesterday morning I attempted to take our annual Christmas Card picture of the children. The last two years I took their picture less than a week before Christmas, had them printed overnight and mailed them out December 22nd. I was determined to do better this year.

My children had other ideas.

They poked.
They shoved.
And most of all, they whined:

"Don't poke me. Don't push me. Look at the camera. Scoot over. The sun is in my eyes. Are you done yet?"

I took about 25 shots and didn't get one decent one of the four of them. Here's a sample.



I think Ben's expression says it all.

I ended up frustrated and depressed that my efforts to be on time were thwarted. I started planning when we could do a retake. Or maybe I should just spend the money and take them to a studio.

I didn't.

Tonight, on impulse, I picked the shot that was the least offensive of everyone and ordered my cards. I settled for mediocrity and I feel liberated.

My cards are ordered, it's not even Thanksgiving yet. And THAT'S what I am thankful for today.

**************

Oh and pumpkin pie. We had Thanksgiving at my Mother's house today and she sent me home with a pie. I ate pie for dinner while ordering cards. It was like a hug, with spices. Thanks Mom.

Day 16

Last night I went out with two of my girlfriends, Debbie and Melissa. I can't remember when I had a better time. We were giggly and obnoxious like 15-year-olds, which is appropriate since we all knew each other when we actually were. I have said this before, but I can't say it enough, there is just nothing like old friends. Friends that knew you when, and love you still.

We then went to the 10:15 showing of "Dan in Real Life." I know! Can you believe it? We went to a movie that started after ten o'clock. We're a regular bunch of party-moms. The movie was predictable and hokie in places but we laughed tons. And Steve Carell really is a gem, so I would recommend it for that alone. I also recommend having a glass of wine before you see it. It worked well for me.

Today has been a lazy kind of day. Nausea and a seriously tenacious sinus headache have rendered me pretty much useless. I only ventured out once, and that was to the used bookstore for an emergency book run. I actually made it to the bottom of the stack. I didn't know it was even possible. I thought that thing continuously replenished itself.

As for gratitude? I actually have 3 for you today.

1. Well my fabulously immature girlfriends, of course. They totally rock.
2. Some bloggy friends introduced me to the word Callipygian today. I shared it with my family and we are enjoying trying to find ways to use it. :0)
3. Look what I found in my messy kitchen today:

~Magically Delicious.

Day 15 - It's The Man, again.

The Man just walked out the door. He bundled up Clara and Ben in coats and packed snacks and sippy cups while I was blow drying my hair. He nagged Brandon, and Allie and one of her friend's to get their shoes and coats while I was rummaging through sweaters to wear. Then he corralled all 5 kids out to the minivan to take them out to dinner leaving me here, sitting at the computer. To say I am thankful wouldn't do it justice. I am beholden, but even more so, I am smitten. There is something about a man that will take 5 kids out to dinner without batting an eye.

And in a few moments I will grab my small purse and get in the small car and go meet two girlfriends for wine and Hibachi.

But right now I going to sit here and savor this deliciously foreign experience of being here, in my own home, alone.

Humbug

It started months ago. Back in September, or maybe even August. Just a whisper at first, before the flood. A precocious harbinger of the storm to come.

I noticed it first at the mailbox. An additional weight. A little less room. Gaining momentum with each passing week. Until now, each day, I am met with stacks of glossy catalogs depicting heart-stirring scenes illuminated by twinkling lights. Porcelain people glowing with contentment and bliss. Offering their secret. The keys to the picture of perfection.

Peddling personalized toys, Fair Isle sweaters and trendy trappings in the guise of memories and joy and fulfillment. All with free shipping.

And then overnight the subtlety is replaced with a garish barrage on my senses. The radio waves become saturated with countdowns, and promises. Slipping words like cherished and love and always remember between jingles for diamonds and electronics at unbeatable deals. "Do your carpets need cleaned? Will your family feel loved? Will your home look beautiful? Will you?" Until even the songs that once made me sing are sending the same message. This is love. This is celebration. Can you measure up?

At home the onslaught continues. Movies framing overflowing tables and breathtaking homes. A man with a beard making dreams come true. Reconciliations. Perfection. And, maybe worst of all: Bleating in and out in the spaces between my children's television shows, with a steady hypnotic beat: "Don't you want this? Shouldn't you have this? Won't this make you happy? If they love you they will. If you love them you will." Happiness for sale at a price much larger than a credit card payment.

And I find myself dreading it. All of it and what it has come to mean. Surely a baby in a manger, hope for the world, a selfless gift of love, was not supposed to become this. This machine that pumps out nerve wracking pressure, and unmeetable expectations, and consumerism in the place of peace and gratitude, hope and love.

Surely we have gotten it wrong.

Giving Thanks...Revisited

Okay, so I am having kind of a bad week. I doubt this is much of a shock, I haven't exactly been hiding it well. My kids are driving me c.r.a.z.y. Ben's trying out this new thing where I tell him to do things and he pretends I didn't speak.

Yeah. It's really charming.

Then I repeat my request, louder this time, and the battle commences. He didn't go to school today, because I told him if he didn't come here right now and put on his shoes, he wasn't going. I think it took him about an hour for it to register that I really wasn't taking him. And then we had another meltdown.

And Clara, bless her little schizophrenic heart, has been a whining, crying, fit-pitching monster for the last week. I think it's related to a molar coming in, but it's possible she's just conspiring with Ben to see if my head actually will explode.

None of this is really a big deal. One of the benefits of having been down this parenting road before is that I know this phase will soon be behind us and, most likely, replaced by a new challenge. It has however, had the unfortunate effect of making me grouchy and short tempered. Because, really, who can keep a pleasant demeaner when your toddler is whining 12 hours a day?

I've also been busy. Crazy busy. Thus the late night trips to Kinkos and for tap shoes.

All of this has made my "I will post something positive every single day in November" resolution a bit of a challenge. By the time I make it to the computer at 11:00 every night I am exhausted, and frazzled and would really rather not post at all. So I end up posting something like "I am thankful for wine. Or locks on bedroom doors....Or tubal ligation."

But that's not really gratitude. It's just another way of complaining about my day. Which couldn't be more contrary to the point.

So for the rest of this month, I am going to stop and find something I am genuinely grateful for each day. Even if it's small. Even if it makes for boring blog reading. Because the point of this wasn't to be entertaining. It was to count my blessings. Even on days when I don't feel blessed. Especially on days when I don't feel blessed. Doing it publicly on the blog, was just a way to keep me accountable.

And puleeze, if I end up posting something like I am thankful for Clorox Wipes (which I seriously am by the way. How did I ever get by without those things?) don't feel like you have to comment.

And today?

Today I am thankful for the woman at the mall. Ben and Clara were strapped in the double stroller to prevent another Ben disappearing act. Ben was whining because I wouldn't buy him something and Clara was in a full out turn-blue scream fest because I wouldn't pick her up. This kind woman stopped and tried to calm them down. And then she told me, without a trace of sarcasm, that I had beautiful children and I was very blessed. I almost hugged her. I wish she could know what a difference it made in my day.

And I am thankful that last night it rained. But I think everyone in Atlanta is thankful for that.