Fridays Fave 5

Seeing how this blog has been all dark and wallowy lately, and that my life has pretty much been the same, I thought I could use an enforced pick-me-up. In fact, right before I sat down to write this I had just finished a loud ugly weep about how I should never have had four children because I can't be a good mama to four at once and I am a horrible wife because I asked my husband to skip going to the football game on Saturday to help me and my house is such a mess I keep tripping on things and the floor is making my feet black and I should just hide in my bedroom and eat Halloween candy until January.

I know. Pity-party much?

So I saw this at Beck's place the other day. And we all know I love all things Beck. Well, unless it involves pastry dough or cooking with yeast or celebrating 231 holidays a year. ('Cause goodness knows I can't even manage the 7 - Yes, I counted them! - I do celebrate.) I don't love those things but I love Beck for loving them and I adore her funny, heart tugging, sarcastic writing. So really, if you are one of the 3 people in the blogosphere that doesn't read her blog, you're missing out.

Anyhow, she linked to this Friday Fave 5 thing at a Blog I have never been to before. The rules state

"It can be anything that tickled your fancy over the week. Favorite quotes, posts, happenings, scriptures, recipes, pictures, etc., etc."

I love this idea. I have always found that the best medicine for my wallowy-ness is to stop and count my blessings. And this time I only have to count to five.

1. Because of the crazy busy week I had I was determined to make a big pan of something that we could eat as leftovers. I decided to try this new recipe that my friend Karen sent me, even though it was from Martha Stewart. I actually believe that Martha Stewart was put on this planet just to make people like me feel even worse about their domestic shortcomings. I regularly boo and hiss at her at magazine in the grocery store. But this recipe was very yummy and surprisingly simple. And it turned out so great I even took a picture. A first ever for me, a picture of food I prepared. Thanks Karen.
2. Lisa over at Lisa Writes, who said she was going to going on a blogging hiatus but didn't - thank goodness, wrote this post on what she has learned in her last 17 years of marriage. It really touched me.
3. Due to some job changes I was able to start back to Community Bible Study on Wednesday. I know that this will add even more busyness to my life but I am so excited to be returning to a wonderful program and a wonderful group of women who are passionate about digging into God's Word and finding the treasures inside.
4. While at CBS we were discussing Abraham and a time when he stepped outside of God's plan and put his family in danger. It is so comforting for me to see how God was able to guide him back on track and still use him in amazing ways. What can I say, Bible Stories about God doing His work through screw-ups like me; they give me hope.
5. Look what I got in the mail this week! I won this over at In the Trenches... and I couldn't be more excited. I have been coveting cards from Tinyprints.com ever since my Christmas Card fiasco of last year. They have gorgeous card designs and so many more choices than the places I usually shop. I can't wait to start playing with pictures for this years cards. Just have to take the pictures...but we won't talk about that. This is a post about good things.
   

As an aside, I was planning on using the news that Korto won Project Runway as one of my Fave 5 things for this week, but I can't because she didn't. She was robbed, I tell you, robbed. Ah well, I'm just glad it wasn't rude Kenley, (Even if I did think this dress of hers was fantastically adorable.)

It's raining, it's pouring...

I would like to make it clear that my life is really not as gloomy and problematic as it may appear on this blog. I actually have a very good life and am even, regularly, quite happy. It's just that melancholy, guilt and frustration are much better muses for writing than say, happiness. Or, gag, contentedness. Nothing stifles my words quite like being content.

That being said, this past week has been rough. Rough and expensive. Or maybe rough because it was expensive.

Our septic system, which had been finicky for quite some time, backed up and knocked us all flat on our back with the smell of sewage. I think the neighbors were pleased as well. We called someone to check it out. $1650 and some attractive new landscaping later, and the problem was solved. Hurrah. I will say that Ben was so beside himself with glee at an actual backhoe digging up our backyard that he jumped up and down on our deck shouting "I love construction workers!" repeatedly. Really, how often do septic repairman have real live screaming fans? You'd have thought we could have at least received the cute kid discount.

Our van, which had been finicky for quite some time, also decided to turn things up a notch by occasionally failing to break when you pressed the pedal. Oh, they kicked in eventually but not before you found yourself thanking God that you never did stick to that diet since you were now going to die at the age of 33.

So, after picking my heart up off the pavement one too many times, we brought the van into the shop. Two weeks, 3 different mechanics and $3000 later and they called us to tell us we can pick it up tomorrow. Oh and two weeks with one vehicle that won't even hold our entire family has added a little something special to our hectic schedule. Something like insanity.

And then finally, today, we received a letter from our Home Owner's Association letting us know that we are in violation of our covenants and they expect us to repair and fix our fence. Really, I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe it's this hole in the fence where the dog is always escaping.

Nah. I think the classy and cleverly placed piece of wood concealed that.

Maybe it was because when they drove by the other day it looked like this:


Ah yes, it's true. We are those neighbors.
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Warning: If you ever have a week like this and someone, say a customer service representative from Costume Express, calls you to tell you the pirate costume you ordered a week ago is actually sold out, you should probably just hang up on them immediately. If you don't you may find yourself yelling at the poor foreign girl and then bursting into tears and apologizing. You know, hypothetically.

Warning 2: If you ever have a week like this and you happen to have two bags of M&Ms in your pantry that you bought to send into your kids school...you will need to buy them again.

PSA- GONE

Decided to delete the snarky post. It's a small world and I wasn't feeling good about it. They weren't exactly God Honoring words. I left the blurb about blogging neglect though, since I expect that will be true through December.

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And, if I haven't been by your place lately I'm sorry. I am hoping my life will eventually slow down so I can catch up, but I'm not optomistic that will happen anytime soon. If it makes you feel any better I have real life friends and relatives that I am neglecting as well.

Four Exciting Events in our Day-

A Game Ball-
Our little Rookie Pirate was awarded the game ball at his T-ball game today. This sounds a bit more significant than it actually is. Every player is awarded a game ball at some point in the season. The coach tries to pick a week when they have done particularly well but next week is our last game. You can read between the lines here: Our Ben makes up in enthusiasm for what he lacks in focus and talent.

Unfortunately this mama wasn't even there to see him receive it. I had to miss the game this morning to accompany Allie to an audition. Ben was so excited he couldn't wait to tell me about his award. It almost made me rethink all my rants on going back to merit based awards. Merit-shmerit...that was one happy four year old. He even told me he made "five big hits!" I didn't have the heart to mention that each player only bats two times.

I'm sorry to say that due to my absence there was no photo to commemorate the occasion. I'm planning on staging one at the next game though. I'll post the fake game-ball-shot next week.

An Audition-
Allison auditioned for All State Chorus this morning. This is the first year she was eligible to audition. She had to sing a solo, scales and then the judges gave her some tonal memory to repeat and some music she had to site-read. She is competing with students all over Georgia for a place in the state choir in Savannah. The whole thing is a pretty nerve wracking experience but she was completely composed. Unlike her mama. We don't know if she made it through this first audition yet, but I have never seen her work so hard to prepare for something. She's been drilling herself on site-reading for a month. Regardless of the outcome, I am exceptionally proud of my hard-working girl.

Last Minute Shopping-
After Allie's audition we ran to the mall to try to find her a dress for her voice-recital this afternoon. As of today she has officially outgrown the children's department.

I would like to pause at this time for a moment of silence.

I think there is now a trail of tears in Dillards leading from the Children's to the Junior's department. It's a sad, sad day. Do you know how much more money junior's clothes cost?

A Recital-
Lastly, Allie had her fall recital today where she performed her All-State audition piece. Not surprisingly, she did a lovely job. Here's a few photos I took of her there in her new size 3 dress. At least I won't have to stage these pictures. It would be hard to fake the amazing piano in the background. I think I managed to wipe all my drool off of it before we left.


Oh, and Allie has been in this "I don't want like to show my teeth when I smile" phase for a little while now. And by a little while I mean like two years. So that's why she always looks like she is channeling Mona Lisa.

Shameless Posting of my Kid

Veggie Tales ala Ben.

I especially love how his voice cracks at the end. It makes me all misty.

Status Report - October.

My friend Lisa does these status reports at her place when she is struggling with what to write. I have no idea if this idea originated with her as I have seen it on other blogs as well. Either way, I'm filching it, and it's not even Friday. My problem isn't so much not having anything to say, as having time to say it. Or at least to say it well. Assuming that's something I ever actually accomplish. So here goes,

I'm:

Sitting...at the desk in our dining room. Which, as it is the location of our only computer, is not surprising. (There is talk of Santa bringing me a laptop though. Then I could start blogging any old place. The living room. The kitchen. Maybe even the bedroom. Shocking.)

Smelling...The chicken pesto pizza we had for dinner. I think we have had this once a week for all of September. It's just so easy and Ben and Clara love to help make it. There is something about watching Ben meticulously place each piece of chicken while Clara just piles on the cheese into little mozzarella mountains that feels like what motherhood is actually supposed to be about. But so seldom is.

Listening...To squeals of laughter as Brandon wrestles with the Weekids in the other room. Brandon (poor kid) is grounded again. The positive aspect of this is he spends a lot of time hanging out with his younger siblings. Resulting in me actually having time to write this post.

Drinking...Diet coke which will magically turn into chardonnay when The Man gets off work in 30 minutes.

Reading...The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. I'll withhold my official review until I finish it but so far I'm impressed. While eerie and compelling in it's own right, I think it's biggest appeal may be the way it pays tributes to classics. Jane Eyre, Rebecca, Wuthering Heights, Great Expectations... A book for those who love books.

Also reading...Prayer, Does It Make a Difference? by Phillip Yancey. Not too far into this one yet.

Also Reading...Little Women. I am actually reading this aloud to Allie. I try to read the classics to her because they move so much more slowly than contemporary fiction that I'm not sure she would finish them without me. In a world of young adult books such as Twilight, The Uglies, and Aragon I fear she's growing up with a very short literary attention span. Classic literature may never be her thing, but it won't be for lack of trying on my part.

Loving...That fall has brought Pumpkin Spice Lattes back into my life.

Dreading...The Holidays. I saw Christmas decorations at Cosco today and my blood pressure immediately started climbing.

Eagerly anticipating....Heroes! I have last week's premier and this week's episode on DVR and the moment the kids are their beds I am climbing into my own for a Heroes marathon. So excited! I am also pretty excited that Iron Man came out on DVD this week because I missed it in the theater. I'm such a dork.

Worrying...way too much. This thing with the bailout and the stock market is making me so nauseous I had to keep the news off today. I'm wondering WHY we are still out of gas everywhere. The election mess. The economy is affecting everyone. The Man is barraged with calls from customers he put with AIG. Even my job just changed due to low enrollment at the preschool. I had to say goodbye to my 3-year-olds today (Sad!) and I am now working with babies in mother's morning out. It also means Clara is changing days and classes. And now I have to worry if the Hadron Collider is going to end the world. (OK, I'm not actually worried about that because of, well, you know...Jesus.)

Wishing...that I could convince Brandon to learn from my mistakes instead of making his own.

Also wishing...that I could guard Allie's heart from ever again feeling the ache of rejection.

Praying...a lot.

Grateful...for so much, I have a beautiful life. But right now, especially for my husband who works really, really hard yet still can't wait to get off work every night and play his games with Ben before he goes to bed. And who never complains about messy houses, or empty sock drawers, or missed appointments, or pounds I just can't get off, or two much time on the computer. God Bless Him.

Sharing...This silly The Office/Veggie Tales video that made me smile!


Sigh. I heart Jim and Pam.

A work in progress, very slooow progress.

I believe I owe the sweet, sweet people who read this blog an apology. Apparently my dramatic late-night ruminations have led some of my loved ones to fear I may be on the verge of driving the ol'minivan off a cliff. The simple truth is that I am just overwhelmed by the responsibilities in my life right now. I doubt there is a mother, a woman even, in America that doesn't feel this way from time to time. Right now, I need to be meticulously organized just to keep my head above water. Me, for whom organization is the great white whale of my existence. And so things are slipping. Lots of things. And I have fallen into a bout of self-hatred induced melancholia. It's not a new place for me. Nor is it a particularly useful one.

It's hard at these times not to wish I was someone different. Someone who doesn't frantically try to locate school forms the morning (or the morning after) they are due. Someone who always remembers doctor's appointments and to wash the orange shirt for "orange day." Someone who actually knows where the hair bow is that matches Clara's apple dress. Someone who's husband never has to say "I'm out of clean socks. Again."

Our verse for September in preschool and in 3-year-old-choir happens to be the same one: Psalms 139:14 "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Lately I have been thinking of that verse a lot. The whole verse actually reads:

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I praise my God for my husband. I praise my God for my children. For my friends, for the weather, for watermelons and rainclouds and strong coffee. I look for reasons to praise Him every single day. But I feel certain I have never offered Him a single acclamation for the wonderful way he made me. Because - probably like a lot of people - I spend a lot of energy wishing He had made me differently.

But He didn't. This has been my personality, these have been my shortcomings, for as long as I can remember. For some reason (and I really would like to discuss this with Him) He designed me - knitted me together - to be this flighty, emotional, undisciplined mess. Well, OK, the mess part may have been my addition but I was undisciplined and disorganized at age 5. I'm sure of it.

Which leads me to believe that God can use me for His glory just the way he created me. That, in fact, I should be offering praises for being fearfully and wonderfully made. Praises that he can take not-nearly-enough-me right where I am and use me despite of, or maybe even because of, my flaws. Because God, he's not just in the habit of molding pots. He also the maker of the clay. Lumpy and ugly and hard to handle, but with a potential only he can see.

Hmmm... It's an amazing thought.

And now, I wish I could end this post with a divine revelation on how exactly God is going to do this in my life. But honestly, I got nothin'. I'm still tired and overwhelmed and I don't see that changing in the near future. And, I'm still a bit down because of it. So for now, I'm just going to keep doing what I am doing: Trying to get organized. Praying that God will help me keep these balls in the air or maybe just give me permission to drop one.

But I do feel like I have learned something. That I may have taken a step away from my old home in the land of comparison and self loathing and towards a place of hope. And I believe that those small steps are really what this journey is all about.

So fear not friends I won't be slitting my wrists with that tardy permission slip any time soon. Besides, I couldn't...I have no idea where it is.