Day 13 - Trees

Day 12

Today...

I am thankful that the Blockbuster Video - where I hit the curb while parking and blew out the tire on my van - said I could park it there overnight. Because it turns out I don't have a spare.

I am thankful that there is a junkyard near our home where tomorrow I can find a spare tire for my van. Hopefully inexpensively.

I am thankful for my husband who stopped working - without a trace of annoyance in his voice -to pick up Allie from voice lessons and then rescue the kids and I at Blockbuster.

I am thankful for my husband's car, which I used at 9:00 tonight to make a 40 minute drive to pick up tap shoes as a visual aide for a project on Shirley Temple. I am especially thankful I was able to make that drive ALL ALONE.

I am thankful for my friend Melissa who I called on my drive to pick up tap shoes. Because she makes me laugh.

I am thankful that my office is littered with scraps of paper because it means that the Shirley Temple Project is complete. And mostly - with the exception of some road trips - it was completed by Allison.

I am thankful that today is over. And for the gift of tomorrow, to give it all another shot.

Through the LORD’s mercies we are not
consumed, Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

Lamentations 3:22-23a

Day 11 - $3.00

Remember that sentimental giddy place I was in last night, where gratitude was flowing like rain.

Well, maybe not like rain exactly. At least not here.

But man, if there isn't something about Mondays that just makes me want to slap my shiny happy self from yesterday. On Mondays I am tired, and irritable that the laundry and mess in my home has multiplied over the weekend like Tribbles. And it always feels I am starting off another week of tediousness 3 steps behind.

And today was shining example of a Monday.

Which is why today I am thankful for Kinkos. Because they stay open until midnight. Which means that I could go there to print photos for Allison's project on Shirley Temple after I picked up Brandon from Basketball practice at 9:30PM.

And inside Kinkos it was quiet except for the hum of the computers and printers around me. And I just may have just sat there, at my terminal, for fifteen minutes longer than I needed to...purchasing a bit of alone time at the rate of 20 cents per minute. While Brandon sat in the car doing homework.

And I am thankful for that as well.

Best $3.00 I spent all week.

My cup runneth over.

I am feeling particularly thankful tonight. The Man is back home, where he belongs, and things feel right with the world again. While I took the kids to church this evening he cleaned the house. I don't love him because he cleans, but it's certainly a perk.

While he was gone on his trip, Allie and I did some serious girl bonding. Last night we had a slumber party. We huddled under a blanket with Ben watching a movie while we gorged ourselves on popcorn and Reeces Pieces. If you haven't tried putting Reeces Pieces in your popcorn, you really are missing out on one of the finer things in life.

After Ben went to sleep, we climbed into my bed together. I suggested we read. It's something we used to do often, but with the birth of the little ones, it fell out of our routine. So we took turns reading chapters aloud from From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. My grandmother gave me this book as a child and then, again, when I had children of my own. Surprisingly though, Allie had never read it. I was tickled to see what she thought of Claudia, an under appreciated eleven-year-old, like herself.

Then I begged invited her to sleep with me in my bed, reminding her of how she would nag me to let her when she was small. I always declined then, saying "I can't, I'm saving that spot for daddy." So last night, she happily agreed. I am thankful there was still enough little girl left in her to be excited with the idea. I am not sure my mama-heart could have handled the alternative.

We stayed up talking and giggling in the dark for a while. Eventually she snuggled down between her stuffed dog and her real one, and went to sleep.

For a long time I just laid next to her in the dark, savoring the glow of our evening together. I listened to the soft rhythm of her breathing, the way I did when she was tiny. Sentimentally mulling over how long it had been. And I realized, with a tiny flash of awareness, that I had just experienced a memory in the making. Something I may hold on to for years to come.

A night when I got it right.

It was one of those fleeting moments in life, where I wonder how I could ever be anything but thankful.

Day 9 - The magic of three

Yesterday morning Ben and I were sitting on the couch doing our morning snuggles, talking about the day to come. We have a routine where he says "Tell me about my day" and I tell him as much as I can about what his day will be like. I stole this idea from my cousin Ginger, and he loves it. Knowing the sequence of events that will occur has really helped to head off fits and transition problems, especially if we have a busy day. We go over it several times until he can repeat it back to me. He can't get enough of it, this itemizing of things in his day. And counting them. He'll declare proudly "I have 5 tings today".

Yesterday, we were talking about our errands. I told him we had to go drop off clothes at a store (consignment) where there would be some toys he could play with while he waited.

"And we go in mommy's car?" he asked.

"Mmm Hmm, my car"

"And you will be the driver and I will be the rider." He dictated.

"Yes", I said chuckling at his assignment of transportation duties.

We sat in silence for a moment

"Can I be a the driver?" he asked in a tiny, hopeful voice. "Or am I too wittle?"

"Oh honey, You're still too little" I responded.

"Oh." he said sadly. Sitting for moment. "But I am getting bigger now."

"Yes" I replied wistfully. "You really are".

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Today I am thankful for my mischievous, lovable Ben, and the wonderful age of 3, where each day is full of wonder and adventure. For a boy who can't go an hour without making me laugh out loud.

We should all be so blessed.

Day 8 - Lessons learned at the Waffle House

On Friday nights our family goes out to dinner. Every Friday night, unless we miraculously have other plans, or one of our children is sick - And I mean really sick, not church nursery sick - we wrangle all our kids out the door and head out for Mexican. And it's always Mexican. We used to vary our dinner spots, but as out clan grew to include infants and toddlers we came to value no wait times, cheap food, and immediate chips-n-salsa over quality or variety. We're an inpatient, messy, noisy clan. Mexican suits us.

Occasionally Brandon or Allison will have plans with friends and our party will be down to five. Even less often they will both be gone and it's just The Man and I with Ben & Clara. These occasions almost feel like a dates, because we can actually talk about stuff, albeit in code.

A handful of times a year, I will go out with friends, and The Man, Superdad that he is, will take the herd out on his own. These evenings they go out for Barbecue. I don't like barbecue. They all act like it's a celebration. Barbecue without mom. Woohoo.

And all the while I am thinking: Wine without kids. Woohoo indeed.

The only real constant to Friday night dinners is The Man. Poker nights fall on Saturday, so Fridays he is always home. Always.

Until tonight.

This afternoon he and some of his buddies took off for the weekend to go hole up in a cabin, watch football, play cards, and do whatever it is that men do when we are not around. I am perfectly content not to know exactly what that is.

And he dropped Brandon off on the way.

So tonight for Friday night dinner, it was just Allison, the Weekids (Ben & Clara) and me. We were excited about the change. I decided to shake thing up a bit. I let her pick the restaurant.

"Just keep it inexpensive", I said.

She picked Waffle House. Sigh. So we headed out for platefuls of grease and overly sweet waffles served irritably by someone I always feel the need to overtip.

The place was surprisingly busy. Middle aged couples, small families, and several people alone, drinking coffee at the counter. The booth next to ours had seven teenagers crowded into it. They were arguing loudly about jukebox selections and how they could keep their parents from knowing they had ditched the mall to come there. I thought immediately of Brandon. I wanted to call all their mothers myself. Do you know where your kids are?

I suddenly felt old.

And with a pang, I missed my husband. I wanted to laugh with him about how prudish I had become. I wanted to talk about how part of me was still sitting with him in one of those booths at 2:00AM and part of me doesn't even know who that was anymore. I wanted to ask him whether he thought Brandon has ever walked across the busy highway to eat there.

I wanted him to cut Clara's waffle while I ran to the bathroom with Ben.

Instead I made Allie take Ben to the bathroom. And we had a really pleasant meal. She seemed genuinely thrilled with our special outing, and I was proud of her for stepping up to help so much with the little ones. A role Brandon usually fills.

But what I came away with is that my life without Shane, even for one lousy Friday night; it just feels lacking. And that without him to remember the sippy cup and the highchair cover, they don't make it to the restaurant.

I realized that there is a quiet joy in our predictable routines and our glances across the table that don't require words. And a camaraderie in our schlumping down together on the couch on Friday nights after they are all in bed, with an air of "Whew. We did it."

And tonight I am thankful for that. For The Man and our comfortable marriage, that I often take for granted, but that my life would be so much less without.

Day 7 - Sleep

It's nearly midnight. The end to a long day. I struggled all day to find time to stop and write a thankful post and now, 20 minutes before midnight, I struggle to find inspiration. Oh, of course, I am thankful. For my kids, my husband, my friends, my home - I could sit here listing all night long listing the ways I am blessed- but I had hoped to find something deeper. Or at least something funny. Something profoundly specific to this day in my life. That was the point wasn't it, to stop each day and take notice.

But here, at midnight, I can only notice that my eyes are heavy and my brain is mush. And I am thankful for my bed, and my down comforter, and the knowledge that, right now, sleep is much more important than profundities.