Thirty days of Gratitude, and so it begins. Again.

I haven't been here in a long time: this place I once called my own. I've missed it, pouring my heart out to the masses dozen. But I wasn't able to find a balance between what I wanted to share and a need to respect the privacy and safety of my children, especially as 3 of them are now old enough to read these words.

For now, I'm back. Permanently? Probably not, but at least for 30 days.

The holidays are coming. Ben said to me today, "Mom, it's only one month until December, the month you are grumpy all the time." He laughed but I cringed. It's a joke in our family how much I dislike Christmas. They like to bring me the Christmas ads that show up in September and watch me grimace and make hissing noises. But it's kind of sad, that I can't find anything positive about a season that supposed to be about love, and joy and hope. Especially when I am so abundantly blessed.

Last Christmas was awful. So many things were going catastrophically wrong in my life the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate. I made it through the holidays in survival mode. But survival mode is not the legacy I want to leave my children. And as much as I enjoy them, snarky comments about the holidays aren't either. The truth is I have more to be thankful for than I will ever deserve, so I am going to take the next 30 days to focus on that. I've done this before, in my blogging days, and focusing on my blessings was good therapy. And I am also going to try very hard not to complain to complain less about Christmas. Although I cannot be responsible for my actions during any Kay Jewelers commercials. I have my limits after all.

Today I am thankful for the unexpected cup of coffee delivered by a friend that gave me the energy to stay up and write this post. For the warm bed I am about to climb into. And for the absolute certainty that my sweet husband will come in shortly to kiss me goodnight.