Monday, September 3, 2007

A decision about Dodger

Dodger stopped eating this weekend. The pills I shove down his throat each morning to try to slow the spread of the cancer seem to have come too late. So, last night I sat with him on the kitchen floor and tried to entice him to eat a treat, or a piece of turkey and he just looked at it, and sniffed it, clearly wanting what his body wouldn't allow him to have. And The Man and I made the decision that it was time, time to call the vet about having him put to sleep.

And I sat there and held him, boney and foreign feeling and bawled like a baby. I am embarrassed of my fickle emotions. And shocked actually. I barely noticed Dodger until a few weeks ago when we found out he was sick. It feels silly to be so heartbroken about him leaving us.

But then this morning he was hovering around my feet, meowing for the treats that come with his medicine. And he ate them, all of them, and whined for more. And I had a spark of hope that maybe I could postpone the goodbyes for another week or two. But we are going out of town this week, and I cannot leave him in this sickly emaciated state. A dead cat would be too much for the neighborhood kid who feeds our animals to deal with. And he's not going to get better. It would just be postponing the inevitable.

So it's time. The older kids are both out of town this weekend so when they return tonight we will tell them it is time to say goodbye to our old cat. Our kitty whom I loved a lot once and then, I'm sad to say, mostly complained about and ignored. I am sorry I didn't love you more when I had the chance.

I'll be sorry to see you go.

10 comments:

Beck said...

:(
You love him enough to be kind to him right now when he needs you the most, and to make this hard, hard decision not to let him suffer. You've loved him enough.

Don and Lynn said...

Oh shoot! I cried reading your post. It sucks to make the decision to put your pet down. But, the pets only have us to make the decision for them. It's the last loving thing you can do for Dodger. He's had a good life-his old age is evidence of that. Taylor will be a shoulder to cry on for Allie, of course!

Christine said...

joy--i am so sorry for this. it is so hard to make that decision. but you know it is best for him, and your grief is loving and real.
{{hugs}}

Kyla said...

I'm so sorry, Joy.

Sarah said...

What a tough decision!

slouching mom said...

Oh, goodness. That's rough, Joy. I'm sorry. :(

karen said...

*hug* Emily, my cat of 18 years, hit that point two summers ago. Chris helped me to the vet and we all mourned - I still do. We honor Emily by remembering her while we love Pixie, our current cat. Time eases the grief but will not erase the fact that we miss Emily. She'll always be a special part of our family, as I'm sure Dodger will be of yours.

painted maypole said...

I've had 5 cats die, and your cat knows that it is dying. Tell it goodbye. It's ready to go.

And Cat Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. I think I mentioned it before. a great book when mourning a cat.

a happier girl said...

You have my deepest sympathy. I know it's hard.

Chrissy said...

What a tough thing to have to walk through, especially since your kids are going to be walking through it, too. So sorry.