Tuesday, September 4, 2007

The End

I am tired of writing posts about my cats. Because it's sad. And I don't want to be sad. We are leaving Thursday for our first family vacation in 2 years and I want to be excited. Or my version of excited, which is more like frantic. Scrambling, washing, packing, shopping, getting everything ready to go.

But I feel like one last cat post is required. To wrap it up, to finish the story.

I took Dodger and had him put to sleep this morning after dropping Ben off at preschool. I had Clara with me and maybe that was better. Maybe trying to deal with her kept me from being in the moment, I don't know. But, for whatever reason, making the decision to let Dodger go was harder than actually doing it. I felt like in the end, I did what was right for him. The vet confirmed it was time and I held his head in my hands until he was gone. He died happy and loved and I didn't even cry. Although I teared up some when Clara said "Bye Bye" to him when we left.

Allison is taking it harder though. She left for school this morning in tears, knowing it was the last time she would see him. She cried again this afternoon when she returned and he wasn't there. And angry, at the injustice that there wasn't another option.

She loved Dodger the most. She's the one who will really miss him. My own feelings in this scenario are shallow and vague in comparison. But even she, in the way of a child, is already a bit better tonight. And tomorrow she will be better still. The excitement of our vacation overshadowing her grief. Planning, and packing, and dreaming sufficient to eclipse the sadness in her mind. Not completely, of course. Not nearly completely. But enough. Enough, that I can see that she will be just fine.

Sweetness and bitterness. Love and grief. Anger and eventually healing. Dodger's story is an old one with an ending I know by heart.

Goodbye Dodgeball.

Allie saying goodbye.


Heather :) said...

I love the pics. Thanks for making the best decision for Dodger! I think Tigger must have known as he licked him the night before, and it makes me happy to know you were there in his final moments. I know he was loved and am thankful Allie was his friend. I didn't get emotional until just now. Sniff, Sniff.
On a totally different note~ enjoy your vacation!!! :)

Kyla said...

Awww...give your sweet Allie hugs from me.

You did the kind thing. No need for his suffering to continue.

I hope the distraction of vacation does you all good.

slouching mom said...

Oh, poor Allie!

I'm sorry. :(

Michelle said...

Poor kiddo - They look like they were quite the buddy pair : (

Beck said...

So sad. I'm sorry. You made the kind, right decision for him, though.

Crystal said...

Hugs to Allie.

Leslie said...

Awww, how sad.

I worked for a very brief few months for a veterinarian. One memory from that time has to do with a child NOT getting to say good-bye to his best friend before the dr. put him down. It was awful. The mother went to get her son from school. The little guy came running through the office looking for his dog--oh, he cried and screamed and hated the vet. It was heartbreaking.

Lori said...

Oh, those pictures of Allie... they break my heart.

The injustice of no other option... so true, so true...

Christine said...

this is so sad. i'm sorry such a loved member of the family is gone. and those pictures really show how Allie loved him so.

spaz said...

Hey. Do you remember when we went to see Oliver? I think it was the same birthday you got the cats. That was fun! Good memories! I remember them as tiny kittens AND as Goliath Cats!

Was it Dodger or Tigger that Allie tried to seal in a plastic bin when she was like 4? Anyway, both of them have probably had nine happy lives!

Joy, of course said...

Yes my dear Spaz. I remember. The Artful "Dodger" is a character in Oliver. ~wink~

Jenn said...

Oh God.

I'm so sorry; I still sob like a baby over the pets that I've loved and lost, so if you're looking for non-hysterical comments, I'm not the one to look to.

But I'm thinking of you.