The End

I am tired of writing posts about my cats. Because it's sad. And I don't want to be sad. We are leaving Thursday for our first family vacation in 2 years and I want to be excited. Or my version of excited, which is more like frantic. Scrambling, washing, packing, shopping, getting everything ready to go.

But I feel like one last cat post is required. To wrap it up, to finish the story.

I took Dodger and had him put to sleep this morning after dropping Ben off at preschool. I had Clara with me and maybe that was better. Maybe trying to deal with her kept me from being in the moment, I don't know. But, for whatever reason, making the decision to let Dodger go was harder than actually doing it. I felt like in the end, I did what was right for him. The vet confirmed it was time and I held his head in my hands until he was gone. He died happy and loved and I didn't even cry. Although I teared up some when Clara said "Bye Bye" to him when we left.

Allison is taking it harder though. She left for school this morning in tears, knowing it was the last time she would see him. She cried again this afternoon when she returned and he wasn't there. And angry, at the injustice that there wasn't another option.

She loved Dodger the most. She's the one who will really miss him. My own feelings in this scenario are shallow and vague in comparison. But even she, in the way of a child, is already a bit better tonight. And tomorrow she will be better still. The excitement of our vacation overshadowing her grief. Planning, and packing, and dreaming sufficient to eclipse the sadness in her mind. Not completely, of course. Not nearly completely. But enough. Enough, that I can see that she will be just fine.

Sweetness and bitterness. Love and grief. Anger and eventually healing. Dodger's story is an old one with an ending I know by heart.

Goodbye Dodgeball.

Allie saying goodbye.