Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Pride and Apprehension...

A couple days ago I was snooping around in Allison's email account. Yes, I am a snooping parent. And I am unapologetic about it. Especially in things involving the internet. I require Brandon's MySpace password and Allison's email password or they are not allowed to have these accounts. I am not flexible on this. I don't check them daily, but periodically, randomly, I do. Knowing who they are talking to and what they information (true or false) they are sharing about themselves is something I feel I need to know.

While snooping, I read an email from Allison to a friend of hers. This girl is popular, obviously wealthy, gossipy and boy crazy. She is so unlike Allison, who is not popular and makes known to all her disdain for boys, that I have always been curious and a bit wary of Allie's friendship with her. But they don't see each other often and their relationship has not progressed much past the casual level. Allison's email to her said something along these lines:

"Please do not send me any more emails. I do not want to hear the bad things about all the people you don't like, or about all the boys you do like"

I was very surprised to see such a harsh email and spoke to Allison about it. Apparently, this friend was regularly sending emails to Allison and all her other friends disparaging people she didn't like, or gushing over boys that she was "In love with". Allison was bothered by it, and asked her not to send them to her anymore.

She emailed the girl and asked her not to send her mean, gossipy emails anymore.

I am still reeling from this. That my middle school daughter of her own accord took a stand. And I am not saying she is never mean or gossipy, but in this situation, she chose not to be a part of part of something she knew was wrong.

And I am so proud of her I could burst.

And a little bit worried. Because I am concerned about what this, this one tiny stand, might mean for her. And a little part of me, a part that I would never share with her, doesn't want her to be the one taking a stand. When it means she might get hurt. Because while the mother in me wants her to be strong, and just, and good, the mommy in me just wants her heart to be safe.

But quiet voices and safe hearts are not God's desire for me. Or for my child. Or for His own.

Which is why it's good I didn't write the plans.

And for completely unrelated reasons, I am heartsick today. An anxious. And sad. About things that I can't talk about here. And I am not sure I would, even if I felt at liberty. Because some things seem worse when you put them into words. But I ask you to pray, even not knowing what you are praying for, because God knows. And that's enough. It is.


Sarah said...

I would be so proud of her. If you ever wonder if you are doing a good job, here's proof that you are.

Praying for you.

Lori said...

I feel confident that a strong girl like Allison will find the way to weather whatever comes her way. Even if that means crying on her loving mama's shoulder now and then. She is a wonderful girl.

I will pray for you.

Chrissy said...

Prayers: consider it done.

Allie is such a great kid! I remember being terrified of the wrath of popular people at that age, but it looks like she has found her own voice. Good for her (and good for you for snooping).

slouching mom said...

oh sweet joy. i'm sorry, and i'm thinking about you.

your girl is incredibly strong. amazing. i wish i had been stronger in elementary school, strong enough to take a stand.

Don and Lynn said...

Oh that Ally girl is the greatest! Good for her to stand up for what she believes in. I think I know who "this girl" is because she told Tay that she didn't like hanging out with her because all she likes is being popular and boys. We just have to pray that God will prepare her heart to deal with the backlash of going against the grain. He'll be there for her!

Your unspoken will be lifted up as soon as these boys get in bed and I have some quiet time.

niobe said...

That's a real tribute to the way that you've raised Allison and the values you've instilled in her. Not many girls that age would be that brave. Good for her.

As for the other thing, I'm praying that it all works out.

Chaotic Joy said...

Chrissy-I was nothing like her in middle school. I was made fun of mercilessly (well you may remember!) and would have given anything to even be included. It makes me all the more proud of her. I wish I could say I had something to do with it but, it's just how she's always been.

Veronica Mitchell said...

I am hearing a "blessed are those..." echoing in the background.

I hope your heart rests easy soon.

Kyla said...

The prayers are yours, friend. Ih ope your heart feels lighter soon.

And that girl of yours, she is something to be proud of for sure.

Heather :) said...

You Go Allison! I wish that I had that same boldness and courage when I was in middle school. I was so concerned about my popularity even when I was in that crowd~ go figure.
I remember you writing something on your post from Allison's blog about Jesus being her best friend~ the strength alone in that is HUGE!

Beck said...

What a GOOD girl.
And I am keeping you in my prayers. Here's hoping whatever storm you're facing passes quickly.

Jenn said...

She is the girl that we all look back on and love.

Whatever it is, I sent up a prayer tonight.

Lisa writes... said...

My son did something this week that most likely exposed him to some ridicule, or at least being thought strange. Instead of being proud of him...which I am, really, I first instinct was to try to smooth it over for him, make the stand he took something less of a stand and more like blending in. I, of course, was ashamed of myself when I realized how silly I was, and how courageous he was in comparison. May your girl and my boy continue to be unafraid of what man (or teenager) can do to them and instead seek the approval of their Father.

And as I click, I will pray...

painted maypole said...


and if your kids know you have their password and will be looking,than it is not snooping. It is monitoring... and they know if happens. much better than snooping. and smart, frankly.

spaz said...

Romans 16:17 says: I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
1 Peter 2:20 says: But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.

She is doing a good thing. Do not be afraid for her heart for her heart is in the right place. God will bless her. You should be very proud of her for doing what most of us are too afraid to do.