"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,It's been a frustrating kind of day today. Crammed full of errands that, while necessary, made me feel as if I had accomplished nothing but another 100 miles on the minivan. To work. To school. To the store for just-enough-to-get-us-by. To the dermatologist for Brandon followed by the lab for blood work. (It's $100 cheaper at the lab.) To the dentist to pick up a book Allison left there last week for she simply-must-know-how-it-ends. (And how could I ignore that request?) To the jewelry store to pick up a ring I had re-sized. An important ring - the most important - unworn since sometime before Clara's birth. The resizing itself a concession to one more area where I can't seem to get my act together.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
And I am tired.
Tired from the defeat of one too many balls shattering at my feet. One too many forms turned in late, one too many phone calls from teachers. Too many appointments rescheduled or missed altogether. And too many children calling my name, needing my time and I... just me. Just one. Too many angry words and "not now"s. Too many broken promises to finally get organized. Too much being not quite enough.
Not. quite. enough. Not quite good enough for this job that I have. Mother of four. Keeper of the home. Fulfiller of needs and dreams. His and theirs. It's an ugly voice that whispers to me tonight. And it's words are so familiar I know them by heart. Words that chant, "I'm failing. Oh Lord, I'm failing."
And so I will go now and pray. Pray to The One, who promises to be more than sufficient, that He will help me be simply enough. Just for tomorrow to be enough and not let them down. Him and the people that are counting on me.
How did I come to have so many people counting on me?
Because right now I just feel small and unworthy. And tired. Really tired.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." ~Matthew 11:28-29