Oh it's one of those days. One of those days. Where I just want to crawl into my bed, pull the down comforter over my head and stay there until 2010. Because really I think I would rather subject myself to a gynecological exam than fold another load of laundry. Or wipe down the counters or a pint sized bum one more time. Or referee another fight. Or try again to convince my three year old why it really is better to pee in the potty than in his underwear.
Or on the floor.
And baby girl has hand foot and mouth disease and is miserable. And she just wants to be held. And that would be fine, I would love to stop and hold her and comfort her, if my life, would just stop long enough to let me do so. But instead she crawls along behind me wailing while I try to get her brother ready for his preschool open house. And change his pants. Again. And remind myself to ask his preschool teacher if it's okay that he is a bit "spotty" on the whole potty training thing.
And the little pink pill that I take every night to help me get through the day, just doesn't seem to be doing it's job today. And it wasn't so hot yesterday either. And I can feel my blood pressure rising.
Oh. Which reminds me. Blood Pressure. Do you remember this post? The one where I kissed Gluttony and Sloth a fond farewell and embarked on a journey towards better health and lower blood pressure. Well it's going great.
~sorry I was waiting for the lightning strike~
Because my two old friends...they haven't left. Of course not. They didn't even get to the front door. They are like a freeloading uncle, camping out with promises to leave on Monday, or after this party, or you know...next year. They keep bribing me to stay with gooey dark-chocolate birthday cake and Friday night Mexican. And Wine. And Huge hot cups of coffee with lots of cream and sugar and caffeine. Because I can't freakin live without caffeine. How does one get through a day without coffee?
I still have no idea.
So not only are they still here but now they have brought friends. Oh yes it's true. Gluttony and Sloth, they know how to throw a party. They've brought everyone with them. Procrastination. Guilt. Self-Loathing. and 4 more pounds. FOUR MORE POUNDS!
But he's not really my friend. Although I know him well, and the heavy sinking crawl-into-bed for a week feeling he brings with him. Like a fog settling over my consciousness.
But Him. He's not staying. Because I know how far I have come from where I was last year when Clara was born. The days before the medicine when it was only through Jesus carrying me that I made it through each day. And my friends and my husband telling me again and again I wasn't crazy. That I wouldn't always feel this way. That the love for her would come. Reassuring me that it was okay, even for people who love Jesus, even for those who depend on Him, to get help. And because of them. Because of His grace. I know that darkness is behind me and I know this is just a day.
One bad day. Or maybe two. Perfectly normal. And soon I will be back to normal too. Soon.
But maybe not today. Today, I still just want to run away.