Friday, August 24, 2007

Dear Allison,

Eleven years ago today, I sat in a hospital bed, barely more than a child myself, and looked in your eyes for the first time. And as I held you and gazed, finally, at this tiny person that was you, this person I knew so well, but didn't know at all, I wept. I wept in wonder that I could have been a part of such miraculous perfection.

And I was terrified. Terrified that I couldn't love you enough, that I wouldn't be enough. That I would let you down. That the parent you deserved: the love, the harbor, the wisdom you would need, simply wasn't in me.

And as we have travelled through these last eleven years together, each of us finding our way, I still get twinges of this fear. Fear of my own ineptness, my lack of wisdom, my inability to shelter your heart. I know have made mistakes, more than I can count, but somehow, by only the grace of God, I must have done some things right.

Because you are amazing.

I look at you in a crowd of your peers and I see this beautiful creature, glowing, and self assured in ways I am not even today, and I am in awe that she could be mine. My own gorgeous daughter. Who smiles more than she frowns. Who has eyes full of dreams and a heart full of love. Who believes so strongly in who she can be and what she can achieve. Who fills our life with stories and songs. Oh, the beautiful songs! And I can't believe that I ever wondered if I could love you enough. Because my love for you so permeates me, my breath, my soul, that I know I could not exist without it.

And as I bowed this morning to pray. To pray for my day and for those that we love, I was overwhelmed with the need to simply say, Thank You. Thank you to the Lord for giving me eleven years of knowing you.

Happy Birthday to my Allie-girl.






I love this picture of you, and how you look grown up and yet somehow still like a little girl

8 comments:

TINA said...

OH JOY, I ENVY HOW YOU CAN PUT SO MUCH LOVE INTO WORDS. I ALMOST CRIED WHILE READING THIS. ALLIE IS DEFINITLY SUCH A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY AND SO SWEET AND FULL OF LOVE. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT YOU HAVE DONE A WONDERFUL JOB IN RAISING HER. ALL MOMS OUT THERE WISH THEY COULD HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE WITH ALLIE. WAY TO GO MOM. GIVE HER OUR LOVE. LOVE YALL

Don and Lynn said...

Happy, Happy Birthday Allison! You're a beautiful and sweet girl, always stay that way!

painted maypole said...

beautiful words for a beautiful girl

Kyla said...

Happy birthday, Allison.

So sweet, Joy.

Beck said...

11! Holy smokes. Happy birthday, Allison.

thirtysomething said...

What a wonderful sentiment. And so beautifully written. You have a way with words, I have noticed, especially when you are writing about your children.
Truly a wonderful read.
And such a beautiful young girl you have.

Christine said...

happy birthday you wonderful girl. and you, joy, have done a wonderful job with her. congratulations on 11 years. beautiful post!

Lori said...

I know so well those feelings of overwhelming love, and the fears of being inadequate to the task. But, clearly, you are exactly the mother this girl needs... because she is a marvel.