Thursday, July 31, 2008

If...

If...in the name of the stupid diet (which is still working so slowly you could barely call it working) you decided to do a workout video this afternoon...

If...once you decided this, you put on your workout pants with the missing drawstring that you have had since 1999. (because goodness knows you haven't worked out enough between now and then to warrant purchasing new ones.)

If...once you started working out you became infuriated with the peppy workout instructor who insists that salsa is really just two steps: forward, back, forward, back and makes it look easy and sassy when you just look like a panting hippo.

If...you then started hurling inappropriate phrases at said workout instructor and finally decided to turn off the video and try something easier. Like walking.

If...you at this point realized that your workout pants were now actually around your lower buttocks-region. And you didn't even notice because you were wearing tummy-sucking granny panties that went way above your belly button. You know, because you can't stand the feeling of a jiggling tummy during exercise.

If...this happened to you...

You would be very, very happy for your "absolutely no other people allowed in the basement during mommy's workout under penalty of death" policy.

Just thought you should know.

11 comments:

erin k said...

Make sure you give yourself LOTS of credit for the fact that you actually went to the basement to work out!

Also, you crack me up.

Spice Girl said...

You can't imagine how I needed a laugh after this day, this blood-sucking day. Not that I'm laughing at you--I'm laughing because you are simply my soul-sister and I might have written the same thing.

painted maypole said...

he he

hey, you're moving. that's good.

Lynn Stallworth said...

I try to do my hair in private. If my shirts are too short, when I raise my arms up it exposes my belly and the extra "twin skin" hanging over the waist of my pants. It's gross. Looks like an old woman's skin! It's especially bad when Don's in the bathroom and I'm talking to him and only when he leaves do I look in the mirror and see what's hanging.

karen said...

Thank heaven you didn't decide to take that walking sport outside!

Lori said...

Public exercise should be outlawed. Even if you are really fit it only serves to make everyone else feel guilty. :)

Huge kudos to you for getting moving- no matter how it might have looked.

Beck said...

TEE HEE HEE HEE. But good for you!
I only exercise by myself. With the drapes drawn. And I'm never alone, so I NEVER exercise.

Chrissy said...

So funny, but good for you for doing it. I think I may be joining you on the diet/exercise bandwagon...yesterday at the water park a little girl asked me if I was pregnant. Oh yes she did. Goodbye carbs, I will miss you.

Chaotic Joy said...

Chrissy. Oh no she didn't! I am waiting for this to happen to me. I wear a good bit of the babydoll style tops right now because they don't cling to the baby belly (i.e. FAT). But they also look like I am about 6 months pregnant and I have been dreading that day.

Sorry they got to you first. Little twerp.

Kyla said...

Funny, funny!!

Lisa writes... said...

I just don't work out, alone or otherwise, so no worries on the sweat pant front for me. Other worries, yes, like the aforementioned tummy pooch.