If...in the name of the stupid diet (which is still working so slowly you could barely call it working) you decided to do a workout video this afternoon...
If...once you decided this, you put on your workout pants with the missing drawstring that you have had since 1999. (because goodness knows you haven't worked out enough between now and then to warrant purchasing new ones.)
If...once you started working out you became infuriated with the peppy workout instructor who insists that salsa is really just two steps: forward, back, forward, back and makes it look easy and sassy when you just look like a panting hippo.
If...you then started hurling inappropriate phrases at said workout instructor and finally decided to turn off the video and try something easier. Like walking.
If...you at this point realized that your workout pants were now actually around your lower buttocks-region. And you didn't even notice because you were wearing tummy-sucking granny panties that went way above your belly button. You know, because you can't stand the feeling of a jiggling tummy during exercise.
If...this happened to you...
You would be very, very happy for your "absolutely no other people allowed in the basement during mommy's workout under penalty of death" policy.
Just thought you should know.