I have always been prone to fits of depression. A condition that peaked after the births of my daughters and subsequently resulted in a prescription for what I fondly call my "happy pills". I am very open about my postpartum depression and my need for medication because I want people to know there is nothing embarrassing about seeking help.
But even beyond that, the all encompassing debilitating darkness that came at those points in my life, I fight a daily battle against a less intense despondency. What I refer to as "the melancholies". They feel a bit like gremlins, hovering in the corners of my consciousness, waiting to pounce on me with the least bit of disappointment, stress, or insecurity. I battle these critters with powerful weapons of prayer, Bible Verses (like the ones I keep on my sidebar), and encouraging friends.
And sometimes chocolate.
And this blog. That's why I named it "Joy in Chaos" because I wanted to document the joy as a constant reminder that it's always there, amid the chaos of my life. I might just have to search for it. But yesterday I succumbed, without much of a fight to the gremlins. I didn't want to feel better, I wanted to wallow. I wanted someone to identify, to sympathize with me, that my life as a stay at home mom of four is hard. And for that, that public self-indulgent whine-fest, I apologize.
So will I now cover up my post with something frantically witty? Or as Bub puts it "off-the-cuff compensatory silliness?" Oh I don't know. I don't do funny well. I wish I did, I am terribly envious of writers that do comedy well because my life provides such great material. But I am not one of them. And I don't think silliness is in me today. I haven't come that far.
So instead I think I will leave you with this. This photo tribute to why I really shouldn't spend so much time blogging and what my little ones find to occupy themselves while I do.
I hope these made you smile. Thanks for being such great friends.
Afterthoughts: If you are wondering why Ben seems to always be in underwear in his pictures lately it's because if the potty-training war we have going on. And Clara is still sick, but slept until 9:30 this morning allowing me time to type this blog. Yay.