I confess that I came to the computer tonight ready to go through the motions of gratitude. Throughout the day today I had been making note of blessings (Gas for $2.15 a gallon! Clara playing happily in the sandbox for nearly an hour. A new friendship.) to list on my post tonight. That process in itself is valuable, but by the time I sat down tonight to record them, my heart wasn't in it.
This evening I found out that Allison did not make it into All-state chorus. Because of some misinformation we had received on the cut-off scores, we thought she had. So, when I finally connected with her chorus teacher tonight we were both surprised to find out she had missed the cut off by half a point. With a score that would have qualified her the last three years. She was sad. And I was sad for her. She worked very hard to prepare for the audition, harder than I had seen her work towards anything. And it wasn't enough. It's a stinky life lesson to learn.
For her, I put on an encouraging face. I told her how I proud I was of her efforts (I am!) and how close she came, and how she always has next year (she does!). But I wasn't feeling gratitude, I was feeling sulky and disappointed and like the whole thing seemed cosmically unfair.
But as I was putzing around on my computer, trying to drum up the right frame of mind to write my post, I saw a comment from my sister-in-law stating that she was going to play along on this gratitude thing. I went and read her post and it was beautiful. She expressed thanks for devoted moms doing their best, for missionaries giving their all and then...for her twin sons' autism.
And provided my sulky, self-righteous-mama-bear self with some much needed perspective.
So Lynn, today I am thankful for you. For the warrior mama you are. For the inspiration you provide. And for giving me an (unintentional) kick in the tail.