It's 2:25. I am going to get 5 hours of sleep. Maybe I can get a nap tomorrow. But I was supposed to clean tomorrow. Goodness I hate cleaning. Hate it. I wish I wasn't such a slob. My house is always such an embarrassment. I don't know how The Man puts up with it. I really should do better by him. He works so hard. I am going to do better. No nap tomorrow.
Beck's kids have the chicken pox. The chicken pox. I remember them. Calamine Lotion. Itching. It smelled weird. I have a scar by my eye from the chicken pox. I am so glad my kids haven't had them. I am awful with sick kids. And vomit. I can't believe Brandon's friend threw up in the basement. He's sixteen. I wonder if they were drinking. Surely not. But why did he throw up in my basement? He's sixteen. Shouldn't he make it to the toilet. I think my loathing of vomit is worse than the average mother's.
It's 2:35. Grrrr, I should not drink coffee in the afternoon. When will I ever learn? Why can't women and men have the same sex drive? What is up with that? I would like to ask God about that. My weight is out of control. It's so embarrassing. I feel like I am wearing a "Look who got fat" sign every time I walk in the room. I know people are talking about it. Why do I care? Why can't I make myself do something about it? It's affecting my health. I can tell. I keep trying to hide that. I wonder if it is a sin to be overweight. I am pretty sure they don't address that in the Bible. Laziness is a sin though. Praying about my weight feels vain and frivolous. I wonder if that's something He even cares about. I do pray for more self-control and discipline in all areas.
Christine commented on my blog today. I wonder if that means she's feeling better. I worry about her. I miss Allison. She's coming home tomorrow. She will be twelve soon. Twelve was the worst year of my life. Hands down. It won't be for her though. She's such an odd duck of a kid. I never met a kid who was so at home with their personality. Even though she's different than most other kids. I wonder if Taylor is outgrowing her. She seems so mature. Allison's eczema is getting bad. I wish she would do better about putting her lotion on. I guess she will when she cares. Is it time for her to start shaving her legs? When did I start shaving my legs? I wish I could sleep.
It's 2:45. I took two sleeping pills. And a Lortab. I love Lortab. It's a good thing it's not available over the counter. I wonder where the new cat is. Maybe he's missing Allison too. I love Lois Lowry. Maybe I should get up and finish The Messenger. I ate three brownies this evening. Three. UG. Maybe I will get up and just blog everything I am thinking. I wonder if anyone would actually read that. I wonder if I would even be interested to read it in the future. My blog is so self-indulgent. My relatives must think I am a total narcissist. I guess it's kind of true. An approval seeker. I wonder if I am ever going to grow out of that. Oprah says you do when you are forty. Why does everyone think Oprah knows all the answers? Why do I even watch Oprah? I am such a drone.
I was a little whiny today. Damn headaches. Not too bad I guess. Oh good gracious. This is ridiculous. I am going to try to sleep again. It's 2:55. Definitely a nap tomorrow.