Last night I experienced a scary relapse of my joint ailments. I crawled out of bed to take pain killers and immediately thought "Well this is going to make this not complaining thing tricky."
As I was lying (laying?) on the couch waiting for the Lortab to kick in and watching our new kitten chase ghosts across the kitchen floor, (so crazy cute) I contemplated the task ahead of me. Now that I know I am still sick, can I really face another day (days?) of pain and inability to do the simple tasks that define my job as a stay at home mom, without complaining? Should I even ask myself to?
In what I can only assume was a drug induced stupor I said "Yes, of course. That's what this experiment is really about isn't it? Not changing my circumstances but changing my attitude about them." I think I was even delusional enough to think that my being ill would really help me, and my family, take this seriously. To dwell on the positive despite of the negative. A revolution.
Oy.
So, in the name of honesty I must now reveal that my midnight pep talk was probably the highlight of The Great Moan-off, day 2. It turns out not complaining when it's your two older kids last day of school (and they have tons of great-big-plans for you and them) and and every inch of your body hurts is, well, really. freakin. hard. So, while I did sincerely try (at least initially) to keep a positive attitude today, I am pretty sure I failed. A big fat flop of a failure. Involving not only complaining but also tears. In fact, it's even possible, that when Brandon walked in the door in the middle of my rant about my doctor needing me to go give more blood and quipped "Are we complaining?" that lightning bolts shot from my eyes and killed the poor kid on the spot.
Or something like that.
I am regrouping now though. I am not giving up. It's 10:00PM and I am fairly certain that I can go the last two hours of the day without one single complaint. Seeing how all of my offspring have fled the vicinity. And The Man is downstairs playing pool. And I am once again alone with my cat and heavily medicated.
And tomorrow, tomorrow I'll give this thing moan-free thing another shot.
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And for those of you keeping up with the medical stuff, just keep praying. The setback was hard because I had finally just convinced myself that this whole thing was just a nasty virus. Now we are back to the guessing game. NOT that I'm complaining. :)
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6 comments:
you don't have Lyme disease, do you? have you been in the woods lately?
I'm so sorry that you're still hurting. Hope you're better soon. I'm still praying for ya.
oh, it's so hard to be sick. I think you have to be able to acknowledge it, telling the truth is different from complaining. That said... I'm praying for your health and your gratitude attitude.
Okay, I'm very worried about your ailments... I am praying for healing and answers very soon.
All we can do is try, try again. Feeling terrible really IS a pretty darn good excuse.
P.S. Have you heard the horrible news about Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter? That will be enough to make you wrap your arms around your kids and explode with gratitude. I won't go into it here... google it and you will see the story. Tragic on so many levels.
I hope they figure out what is causing your pain soon. Praying for you.
Oh Joy. I hope they figure it out. It sounds autoimmune to me, or possibly Lyme disease like SM suggested. If your primary care doctor gets stumped, I'd get a referral to an rheumatologist.
I think being sick, especially like this, comes with a bit of unhappy truthfulness. I also think it is very different than griping over dirty dishes or cranky kids. You're doing well with this attitude thing, friend.
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