Heavens to betsy, she's gardening again!

Sunday afternoon, in an effort to keep our neighbors from converging on our home with pitchforks and torches, The Man and I attempted some work on the area we loosely refer to as our front yard. Most of the yard actually consists of a large center island surrounding a handful of overgrown trees. We thought the trees were lovely when we bought the home. We now regularly curse their existence and the resulting need to deal with the weeds, leaves, pine cones, sticks and weeds. Did I mention there are weeds?

So for nearly two hours I yanked weeds small trees out of the ground and sprayed a gallon of weed killer over every single inch, all the while muttering charming epithets like "Take that you darn pricker bush" and "Die, suckers die." It was not my finest moment.

And then, yesterday afternoon I went to check out the results of my destructive rampage. And found, to my dismay, an island full of weeds with almost no discernible difference! The Man, bless his optimistic heart, was kind enough to say he thought they definitely looked discouraged. Discouraged. I spent two hours discouraging the weeds to grow.

I have also recently failed miserably in ridding my yard of fire ants. I just seem to be chasing the mounds of these mean, pesky, critters around my yard. In fact, I think all I have managed in my landscaping efforts is to produce a yard so laden with toxic chemicals there is no way I can let my children play in it.

This is why I leave the gardening to the professionals. Or my husband.

So bring it on internets. Send this redneck horticulturally challenged mama your best cheap, non-toxic, weed-killing, ant-skedaddling secrets.

And hurry. The HOA wagons are circling.

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This is my entry in Shannon's WFMW.
The What DOESN'T Work for Me edition.